Never one to write a blog but recent events during the craziest week of my life have propelled me to do so for two main reasons; as a form of therapy for myself and as a way of informing friends and family of what exactly has gone on during this whirlwind of a week. I do apologise in advance for any grammatical/spelling errors as I will be typing this dosed up on a multitude of drugs.
Well it all
began two weeks ago on Monday the 7th October when I started
experiencing pretty painful lower back pain. That persisted throughout the week
when on Thursday I could no longer work due to not being able to walk more than
a few meters. It was consistent, sharp pain that was progressively getting
worse. I went to see a doctor, physio and a chiropractor over the next few
days, all agreed that I must have torn tissue in my lower back. By this stage
however, my legs were swelling up majorly and no one could tell if this was
connected to the lower back or not.
Exactly one
week on from when I had first started noticing back pain (Monday 14TH)
I had effectively became confined to the bed, unable to even go to the
bathroom. This is when it first hit me that something else was going on and so
was off to St. Vincent’s hospital. Again they could not make a connection
between the legs and back, but did think my legs might have blood clots.
However, I was sent home without any tests done. Feeling frustrated, I went to
ER in the Prince of Wales hospital where an ultrasound scan immediately
revealed big blood clots in both legs. They instantly gave me blood thinning injections
and kept me overnight, which at the time I was quite excited to be staying
overnight at a hospital! At this stage, I thought the worst outcome would be
Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT).
It quickly
became apparent that there was something more serious occurring as the
Ultrasound on the Tuesday revealed a relatively large tumour in the abdomen. It
was too early to say what this mass consisted of but I was quite taken back by
it. Cancer obviously was the first thought to come into my head. The tumour
itself was in an awkward position surrounded by the kidneys and liver but more
importantly was squashing the main vein which drains the blood from the legs,
hence the blood clots and swelling. A phone call to my mum and minutes later
she had flights booked that evening from Dublin to Sydney. Knowing my mum would
be by my side in a couple of days was very comforting.
Over the
next 24hours I was sent for many scans and tests, each of which revealed more
and more of what was going on. Having an ultrasound on the testicles with the wet gel was very
strange and not sexy at all. The rest of the scans mainly involved me entering
a futuristic machine into a tight hole and then have magnets and beams swirling
around, very uncomfortable when you have an itchy nose.
Wednesday
morning, I was told that it was highly likely that I had a really rare cancer
called Sarcoma and after meeting with surgeons would need a pretty big
operation to remove the tumour. A biopsy was not possible due to the risk of
puncturing the vein. This is when I broke down and was quite a mess. From back
pain to cancer in three days was quite a lot to take in and my head was rolling
all over the place. Also the fact I am
in a hospital 17,000k from home with no family does make you feel quite lonely.
Luckily my Shaun was there as he always was from the beginning giving
me nothing but support and ‘positivity’. I hate that word positivity.
Thursday
was another whirlwind of a day. I had met surgeons and doctors from nearly
every department from vascular to urology to neurosurgeons, everybody was
trying to understand what exactly was going on. I was still getting my head
around the revelations from the day before when I was told they wanted to rule
out Testicular cancer by doing an ultrasound scan. That of course revealed a
growth on my right testicle. So all over again, surgeons and about a dozen
doctors came down to explain what was now going to happen. They said it was
‘good news’ and that it was likely to be Testicular cancer and not Sarcoma due
to the higher cure rate with the former. I wouldn’t normally take being told
you have one type of cancer instead of another as good news, but in this case
it did seem like I had the ‘better’ one. Surgery was to be performed the next
morning to remove the right testicle. Obviously being a man, having one of your
testicles taken out is not ideal in any aspect, but I knew it needed to be done
and the American doctor Martin kindly added I can have a bigger one implanted
later.
That evening I managed to get out of hospital
and go to the airport with Shaun and pick up my mum. She had said she would
always get to Sydney when she had the time, and although it was unfortunate she
came in these circumstances, I was so happy to finally have her here. Since she
has come though all I have wanted to do is show her how fabulous Sydney beyond
the not so glamorous walls of the Prince of Wales.
Friday
morning and after fasting for 15 hours with no water or food I was getting
incredibly cranky. The guys in theatre were lovely, and I was quickly put in a
fantastic mood when they gave me ‘mdma’ like drugs, I felt like I was about to
hit a dance festival not about to have one of my treasured balls pulled out.
Took a while to come around from surgery but the pain was not too bad. The real
pain came when I was in the surgical ward and a guy was put in the bed next to
me awaiting his surgery for his bleeding toenail from an injury at the gym. His
loud voice was THE most irritating sound I have ever experienced, not to
mention his snoring.
The weekend
consisted mainly of rest time from surgery. It was the first time since being
admitted that I got to actually digest all that had happened in the past week.
Of course the why me questions kept running through my head, was it karma for
all the little shitty things I have done? Then the ‘what if’ I don’t pull
through thoughts kept pounding my head. Support from Mum and Shaun and the many
friends who came to cheer me up reassured me that it will take time, but I will
get through this.
Now the
next stage of treatment was chemo but before we could get started I needed to
put away some frozen sperm as there is a high risk of infertility after going
through chemo. At first I thought the doctors would insert something and
extract sperm out or like that scene from ‘Dude where’s my car’, but it quickly
became apparent that I would have to do it the old fashioned way. Easier said
than done, I was missing a testicle, still recovering from an operation and
‘sex’ had never been further from my mind. Anyway after a couple of long hard
hours, they got the amount they needed. So any lipstick blonde lesbians out there looking for some fine sperm, hit me up.
So here I
am about to start chemo (Dad arrives just in time tomorrow). I am worried about
getting sick, I am worried about losing my hair, I am worried about permanent
erection problems, I am worried that it might not work. I’ll have all these
worries throughout the 12 weeks. My life has changed immensely in the past two
weeks. That common conception that people lose weight in hospital is total
bollox, I have put on 4kg so far! On a more serious note, I can’t go anywhere without
being pushed in a wheelchair, I have to urinate in a pot, my Europe trip with
Shaun will now have to be put on hold, my hope to study my Masters in February
will also have to be put on hold. Visa issues are another headache too. Still
not sure as to whether or not I’ll have the entire treatment here in Sydney or
go back to Ireland at Christmas to finish the last couple of cycles (I do miss immensely
my little brother and sisters). This isn’t something every guy at the tender
age of 23 will go through, and is going to be a messy year ahead and will be a
long time before everything is back to normal but this is the situation and I’ll
just have to power through it. It’s going to be hard, I will get sick, I will
feel like shit, I will feel grumpy, I may even be bald, but I know this treatment
is absolutely key to getting this bastard out of me and with the support of
friends and family I know I’ll be back to my old jolly self in no time.