The week I got testicular cancer

Never one to write a blog but recent events during the craziest week of my life have propelled me to do so for two main reasons; as a form of therapy for myself and as a way of informing friends and family of what exactly has gone on during this whirlwind of a week. I do apologise in advance for any grammatical/spelling errors as I will be typing this dosed up on a multitude of drugs.

Well it all began two weeks ago on Monday the 7^th October when I started experiencing pretty painful lower back pain. That persisted throughout the week when on Thursday I could no longer work due to not being able to walk more than a few meters. It was consistent, sharp pain that was progressively getting worse. I went to see a doctor, physio and a chiropractor over the next few days, all agreed that I must have torn tissue in my lower back. By this stage however, my legs were swelling up majorly and no one could tell if this was connected to the lower back or not.

Exactly one week on from when I had first started noticing back pain (Monday 14^TH) I had effectively became confined to the bed, unable to even go to the bathroom. This is when it first hit me that something else was going on and so was off to St. Vincent’s hospital. Again they could not make a connection between the legs and back, but did think my legs might have blood clots. However, I was sent home without any tests done. Feeling frustrated, I went to ER in the Prince of Wales hospital where an ultrasound scan immediately revealed big blood clots in both legs. They instantly gave me blood thinning injections and kept me overnight, which at the time I was quite excited to be staying overnight at a hospital! At this stage, I thought the worst outcome would be Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT).

It quickly became apparent that there was something more serious occurring as the Ultrasound on the Tuesday revealed a relatively large tumour in the abdomen. It was too early to say what this mass consisted of but I was quite taken back by it. Cancer obviously was the first thought to come into my head. The tumour itself was in an awkward position surrounded by the kidneys and liver but more importantly was squashing the main vein which drains the blood from the legs, hence the blood clots and swelling. A phone call to my mum and minutes later she had flights booked that evening from Dublin to Sydney. Knowing my mum would be by my side in a couple of days was very comforting.

Over the next 24hours I was sent for many scans and tests, each of which revealed more and more of what was going on. Having an ultrasound  on the testicles with the wet gel was very strange and not sexy at all. The rest of the scans mainly involved me entering a futuristic machine into a tight hole and then have magnets and beams swirling around, very uncomfortable when you have an itchy nose.

Wednesday morning, I was told that it was highly likely that I had a really rare cancer called Sarcoma and after meeting with surgeons would need a pretty big operation to remove the tumour. A biopsy was not possible due to the risk of puncturing the vein. This is when I broke down and was quite a mess. From back pain to cancer in three days was quite a lot to take in and my head was rolling all over the place.  Also the fact I am in a hospital 17,000k from home with no family does make you feel quite lonely. Luckily my Shaun was there as he always was from the beginning giving me nothing but support and ‘positivity’. I hate that word positivity.

Thursday was another whirlwind of a day. I had met surgeons and doctors from nearly every department from vascular to urology to neurosurgeons, everybody was trying to understand what exactly was going on. I was still getting my head around the revelations from the day before when I was told they wanted to rule out Testicular cancer by doing an ultrasound scan. That of course revealed a growth on my right testicle. So all over again, surgeons and about a dozen doctors came down to explain what was now going to happen. They said it was ‘good news’ and that it was likely to be Testicular cancer and not Sarcoma due to the higher cure rate with the former. I wouldn’t normally take being told you have one type of cancer instead of another as good news, but in this case it did seem like I had the ‘better’ one. Surgery was to be performed the next morning to remove the right testicle. Obviously being a man, having one of your testicles taken out is not ideal in any aspect, but I knew it needed to be done and the American doctor Martin kindly added I can have a bigger one implanted later.

 That evening I managed to get out of hospital and go to the airport with Shaun and pick up my mum. She had said she would always get to Sydney when she had the time, and although it was unfortunate she came in these circumstances, I was so happy to finally have her here. Since she has come though all I have wanted to do is show her how fabulous Sydney beyond the not so glamorous walls of the Prince of Wales.

Friday morning and after fasting for 15 hours with no water or food I was getting incredibly cranky. The guys in theatre were lovely, and I was quickly put in a fantastic mood when they gave me ‘mdma’ like drugs, I felt like I was about to hit a dance festival not about to have one of my treasured balls pulled out. Took a while to come around from surgery but the pain was not too bad. The real pain came when I was in the surgical ward and a guy was put in the bed next to me awaiting his surgery for his bleeding toenail from an injury at the gym. His loud voice was THE most irritating sound I have ever experienced, not to mention his snoring.

The weekend consisted mainly of rest time from surgery. It was the first time since being admitted that I got to actually digest all that had happened in the past week. Of course the why me questions kept running through my head, was it karma for all the little shitty things I have done? Then the ‘what if’ I don’t pull through thoughts kept pounding my head. Support from Mum and Shaun and the many friends who came to cheer me up reassured me that it will take time, but I will get through this.

Now the next stage of treatment was chemo but before we could get started I needed to put away some frozen sperm as there is a high risk of infertility after going through chemo. At first I thought the doctors would insert something and extract sperm out or like that scene from ‘Dude where’s my car’, but it quickly became apparent that I would have to do it the old fashioned way. Easier said than done, I was missing a testicle, still recovering from an operation and ‘sex’ had never been further from my mind. Anyway after a couple of long hard hours, they got the amount they needed. So any lipstick blonde lesbians out there looking for some fine sperm, hit me up.

So here I am about to start chemo (Dad arrives just in time tomorrow). I am worried about getting sick, I am worried about losing my hair, I am worried about permanent erection problems, I am worried that it might not work. I’ll have all these worries throughout the 12 weeks. My life has changed immensely in the past two weeks. That common conception that people lose weight in hospital is total bollox, I have put on 4kg so far! On a more serious note, I can’t go anywhere without being pushed in a wheelchair, I have to urinate in a pot, my Europe trip with Shaun will now have to be put on hold, my hope to study my Masters in February will also have to be put on hold. Visa issues are another headache too. Still not sure as to whether or not I’ll have the entire treatment here in Sydney or go back to Ireland at Christmas to finish the last couple of cycles (I do miss immensely my little brother and sisters). This isn’t something every guy at the tender age of 23 will go through, and is going to be a messy year ahead and will be a long time before everything is back to normal but this is the situation and I’ll just have to power through it. It’s going to be hard, I will get sick, I will feel like shit, I will feel grumpy, I may even be bald, but I know this treatment is absolutely key to getting this bastard out of me and with the support of friends and family I know I’ll be back to my old jolly self in no time.